Year #38 - Enshala

I've been working on this post for almost a month now and Im at the point of "fuck it, here it is" . . .

Starting two years ago around this time, in the grand tradition of my dear dead friend Bob, I decided I was going to do the somewhat trendy “annual letter to my friends.” My 36^th year on this planet, 2004/2005, had been a very interesting and bizarre one (those of you who heard the stories of the marine aquarium conference fiasco might agree) and spurred me into action. However, as with most things of that nature in my life I never completely finished it and then realized it wasn’t necessarily something I wanted the world to know.

It wasn't easy jumping on the “memoir bandwagon.” I had a hard time typing out my thoughts at first, but once I got over the concept of talking to a keyboard I found I could go on endlessly. Those of you who really know me know that I’m very quiet and reserved, unless I trust you, at which point I turn into a blathering idiot spouting off endless detail about things you really didn’t care to know. So, although spectacularly cathartic for me personally, publishing the whole thing to the internet just never happened.

So now I sit here a month after the completion of my 38^th year reviewing a similar annual account of my life.

Suffice to say that year 38 gets mixed reviews. It started off in Kuwait which Maki called a mid-life crisis of sorts. She was thankful however that mine didn’t involve Harley’s or mistresses. Really I think Kuwait was part of coping with Bob’s death and the resulting feeling that I wasn’t doing something more meaningful with my life. (hehe, that’s kinda the definition of mid-life crisis I suppose so maybe Maki was right).

In the end I failed myself this year on many counts. Many times I failed to speak up when I knew I should, failed to make the best of bad situations, failed to move on from the past. But I also succeeded at all of those same things in many other respects. I have a better appreciation for my family and friends and what is important to me about them. The detailed account of this past year has alot about me that I don't care to expose to the world. I also would probably be fired for publishing some of the other stuff in there. So instead I'll sum up the year with these few bits of "no shit Sherlock" wisdom that somehow I keep learning over and over again although each time with a new twist.

• “Do what’s good for you or you’re not good for anybody”

• Always go with your gut instinct even if that means looking like an asshole.

• Speak up immediately, if you delay the message is lost

• “Sometimes family are the ones you choose”